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  “Four,” he interrupted. My glare silenced him.

  I'd lost steam and momentum, though, by the time I said, "When you left, it nearly took me down, Liam. I can't take any more risks like that. There's no one to pick me up when I fall."

  “I could be.” He reached for my hand and, much as I would have liked to just grab onto it, I pulled away. I stood to go. “We're so good together.”

  “No,” I argued. “Our bodies are good together. That's it, and it's not enough. I don't want to be with anyone right now. And when I do try again, I'll be looking for a person with a heart.”

  He pulled me gently back down to sit beside him. “I have a heart. I cared so much for you, I got scared.”

  I think I rolled my eyes like Alex. “Hey,” Liam was suddenly angry. “You're not the only one with 'issues', okay? Was I a jerk about the stuff with those guys, and Chloe?”

  He had me there. He had been shockingly mature and kind. “No, you were not a jerk. You were great.”

  “So you don't get to be a jerk about my stuff. I know it's stupid, but you could at least hear me out.”

  Which seemed fair. “All right.” I stood up once more. “But I'm all drama'd out. I'm taking tomorrow off. Can we meet on Sunday?”

  He stood up to walk me to the elevators. “It's a date, mademoiselle.”

  I wasn't sure what it was exactly, but I didn't argue.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  I met up with the other interns from my rotation to compare notes on our evaluations and our upcoming assignments.

  As I said, I was starting Emergency the following Monday. I hadn't asked Liam if he would be at the same hospital I would. I wasn't sure what answer I wanted to hear.

  The other interns and I ate a long lunch, the first in three months, and went our separate ways. We each had another Orientation to get to. I couldn't help but think back to the one for Peds, and the glimpse I’d caught of Liam and what I had wanted to do with his hair . . .

  I was blushing furiously, as well as starting to ache in my sensitive spots (Isn't 'erogenous zone' the least erogenous phrase you've ever heard?) I shook my head to snap myself out of it.

  The interns starting in Emergency were meeting in the small north atrium. I looked around quickly, praying that Chloe wasn't there. She wasn't supposed to be on this rotation, but it wasn't impossible to switch. I didn't see her, though, which was an enormous relief.

  There are tables and chairs in the atrium, but by the time I got there it was standing room only. I leaned against the wall on my right, facing forward to see the speaker. I was trying to look enthusiastic and semi-intelligent, but the last few days were catching up with me.

  I hadn't had much sleep; I'd been through an emotional wringer. I had gone through an evaluation I had been dreading for months. Of course I was happy it had gone well, but even happiness and relief can be exhausting. Or maybe it was just the fact that I had actually eaten an entire meal without rushing off in the middle of it to resuscitate a patient (or Owen's ego) that caused me to feel so sleepy and relaxed. I tried not to close my eyes or yawn.

  I felt a tickle on my neck as the air behind me moved. Once again, I didn't even need to turn around to know it with him. Liam. My Liam. Damn him. Would I always think of him as my Liam, even when I was old and grey and hadn't seen him for fifty years? And why did I even think of him that way at all? He had obviously NEVER been my Liam, and I hadn't meant enough to him to even warrant a text back.

  Screw you Liam, I was thinking, as he put a hand on my upper arm and squeezed. Then he walked away. The skin his fingers had pressed would tingle and burn for the rest of the day. I couldn't tell if I had been touched by an angel or a devil. Maybe both.

  The rest of the day went by slowly. At the end, some of the interns asked me to go out to dinner with them. I was so tired, but I thought I needed to make more friends. My loner life was growing old, and if I couldn't have love and intimacy and romance, then at least I could have cheap beer, chicken wings, and a few laughs.

  I barely remember dropping into bed at 9pm. That day was done. Hallelujah.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  I woke the next morning to the incessant buzz of my apartment's call bell.

  I ignored it.

  I ignored it some more.

  Finally my phone started ringing as well, at which point I lurched out of bed muttering obscenities under my breath. I picked up the phone to check the number. Liam.

  “I said Sunday. I said I was resting today. No drama.” I hung up. Dramatically. Damn!

  It rang again. I answered, and Liam quickly butted in, “Let me up. I just need a second.”

  So, I wrapped my comfortable old robe around me and went to brush my teeth. I wasn't going to put any effort into my appearance at that moment, but there were still basic items of personal hygiene to attend to.

  It was taking a while for Liam to get to my apartment. I heard a racket further down the hall, then Liam's face popped into view.

  “Go back in.” He shooed me backwards. “I have a surprise for you.” I tilted my head in a “You've got to be kidding,” pose, but he was having none of it. He came and pushed me back into my apartment. Then he kept gently pushing me until I was back in my bedroom.

  “Okay, enough! What are you doing?” I demanded.

  “Just go back to bed. I have some stuff to do out here.”

  Remarkable as it may seem, I actually did go back to bed and closed my eyes. I had slept so well, but felt even more tired than before. It was like my body suddenly remembered what sleep felt like, and how little it had had been getting. Now it was demanding much more of it.

  There was a lot of banging around going on. I couldn't imagine what he was doing. Setting up a treadmill? What the hell?

  Finally, he appeared at my door.

  “Are you awake now or should I come back later?”

  I glanced at my clock. In fairness to Liam, it was 10am. He hadn't really appeared at the crack of dawn. It just felt that way. “No, I'm awake. Sort of.” I started to get up.

  “Okay. Great. First you need to put this on.” He clutched a tiny pile of fabric in his hand.

  “On what?”

  He smiled and began straightening out the cloth. He held the pieces up.

  “Underwear?” I started to go back to bed.

  “Bathing suit,” he offered.

  “First of all, that's not a bathing suit. It's a pile of leftover yarn. And secondly, have you lost your ever-loving mind? It's pouring rain. In Seattle. In early April.”

  “Come on. Humor me.” He handed over the suit. “It'll fit. I told the clerk all about you.”

  I imagined him holding up his hands to some woman, trying to explain my cup size. It made me smile, and I took pity on him. I reached for the bikini.

  “Okay. I'll wait in the living room.”

  I put the suit on. It was a bikini, like something from a Sports Illustrated cover. Bits of turquoise string connected to other bits of turquoise string. I suddenly thought of the dream I had had recently. My lower abdomen flipped, a tiny instant orgasm.

  I looked at myself in the mirror and thought I looked all right. I didn't care about impressing Liam, so it took the pressure off.

  “Wow.” I turned to find him in the doorway. He came toward me. “Okay, Madison. I know you're always cold, and I wish I could take you somewhere hot and tropical, so I could fight off snakes and tigers and prove my manliness…”

  “I don't think your manliness has been called into question.”

  “Right. Heartless is my problem.” I didn't answer. I didn't want to make this into some game. It hadn't been funny for me. I would let him have his say, but that was it.

  He came toward me and my nipples got hard. I swear it was just the chilly air. I have no idea why my lips were throbbing or why I couldn't take my eyes off Liam's mouth.

  “I think your body trusted me. And I think I can get the rest of you to trust me.” He took my hand and started leading
me toward the living room.

  “I can't take you to Hawaii right now, because we're both hospital slaves with no holidays ever, so I brought the vacation to you.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  I looked around the room and couldn't keep the delight off my face. He had brought a gorgeous reclining deck chair with a thick soft cushion. He had set it up under a heat lamp, which was gently warming the room to a delicious tropical temperature. His phone was attached to speakers and he turned it on. The relaxing sounds of waves and wind poured out, and I felt the tension leaving my body.

  He pulled me to the fridge and opened it. I think I clasped my hands together and exclaimed like a child. He had filled it with my favorite things. “You're been looking so thin and pale -- no offense -- so I brought you food packed with energy and vitamins. Also juices because I know you like them. And tea, just in case you were all out.”

  I was amazed. And so touched. “But why? Why are you doing this?”

  “Because you said you needed a rest and I thought this would help.”

  “But now, just to be polite, I have to ask you to stay to join me.” I tried to look disapprovingly at him.

  He smiled, obviously happy to see my pleasure. “I'm not staying. But I have you booked for tomorrow, and we need to discuss some serious stuff then. I want your full attention. I want you to be relaxed, and happy and fully rested.”

  I started pushing him gently towards the door. I couldn't wait to sit down, grab a book and just disappear for the day. Liam had stocked me up so well that I didn't even need to go out for food. ”Okay, I'm impressed. This is really nice.”

  “Wait!” He scrambled to remove a bottle from the pocket of his coat. “Sunscreen!”

  It was actually body oil. My favorite brand. He had even noticed that.

  “Why don't I just put it on you, and then I'll take off?”

  I tried to say, “Forget it,” but my mouth wouldn't obey my brain.

  “Don't worry. I'll be quick.” He was pushing his way back into the room. He wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me up, carrying me toward the chair.

  He adjusted it to lie flat and then helped me get onto it. “Flip to your stomach. I'll do your back.”

  Damn right, I thought. Those fingers weren't going anywhere near the front of me. What can I blame my lack of will power on? The lights that Liam dimmed, the sound of waves, the warmth, the insanely comfortable chair? It was only a massage, right?

  I looked away from Liam. I placed my arms above my head so they were resting against the cushion. It really did feel as though I were lying in the sun, off on some fantastic holiday.

  I couldn't see what Liam was doing, but I heard him sit down beside the chair and take the plastic cap off the oil. He rubbed it in his hands to warm it.

  “Am I allowed to say you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen?”

  “No.”

  “I guess I'll have to show you then, instead.”

  He ran his hands gently down my back and legs. His strokes were soft and smooth. I felt myself drifting off. Slowly, though, the strokes became more forceful. They moved deeper into my muscles, releasing aches and knots and making me sigh with pleasure.

  His hands began moving up the insides of my legs and I clamped them shut.

  “We've already established that my body likes you. It's my heart and my mind that are the problems here.” I kept my thigh muscles clenched, but god it was hard.

  He moved closer and I felt his warm breath on the small of my back. The muscles spasmed in pleasure, arching my back and raising my pelvis up.

  “Well, since your body and I are such good friends already, how about we just play for a bit while you rest.”

  I was already half-asleep. I felt strong enough to resist his attempts to win me over emotionally and rationally, so why not let the poor boy have some physical fun? There's really no way I can justify it. It was just me, nearly naked, under a warm sun, in the more than capable hands of the unbelievably sexy Liam. Who loved my body and wanted it to feel good.

  All my muscles surrendered. He sensed the change and went back to gently stoking my inner thighs. Each stroke came closer to my aching wet center, until my breathing was becoming ragged.

  “These are interfering with my massage techniques.” He undid the back tie of the top of my bathing suit, and began long, deep strokes along my spine. His large strong hands moved around my waist to the front and then swooped back along the top of my ass.

  He undid the ties on the sides of the bottom half of my suit and pulled it down, onto my legs. I was completely naked now, and almost paralyzed by relaxation. And pleasure.

  He massaged my ass and moved lower, pressing his thumbs between my thighs. This time my legs let him part them slightly. He took my ankles and pulled my legs farther apart. I whimpered and my back arched again. My body was responding without any input from me. Liam was right. They were very good friends, whether or not I wanted to cooperate.

  Liam's hands were back on my thighs, moving between them, closer and closer to where I was aching to be touched. He had awakened a longing in me that only he could fill. And he used his power so well. He pushed the bathing suit completely out of the way.

  His hand started massaging a gentle circle across my bottom, which grew larger as the seconds passed. Eventually, my legs had spread themselves completely apart, my back was arching, and my pelvis and ass were pushing upwards, willing his hand downwards. I kept my face away from him. I was ashamed at my inability to keep him away. I couldn't make eye contact, or I would have to either go to him completely or make him stop. I wouldn't do either.

  Finally he slipped his hand through my parted thighs. When he first touched my tender wet flesh, I gasped and he groaned. I was lost again. Only he could do this to me.

  I arched up higher, opening myself to him. His fingers slid down my swollen cleft, parting my lips. He circled slowly around my clitoris. Then he stopped moving his fingers, but his thumb pushed into the soft swollen flesh of my vagina and started circling. He pushed it in and out until my hips were thrusting on their own, pressing down into the pillow for release.

  “No.” He grabbed my hips with his other hand, stopping their rocking. “That's my job.” His voice was thick with want.

  His thumb resumed its slow circling and plunging, while his fingers found my clitoris. His touch was so soft. I wanted to cry out in desperation. Instead I bit down on my hand to keep from begging.

  The rubbing grew firmer, the plunging harder. Faster and faster he circled my clitoris and finally moved right onto it. I cried out and tried to move my hips, which were still pinned by Liam. He wanted complete control of my body's response. He wanted to show me that it needed him.

  He kept me on the edge for so long my muscles were trembling. Sweat dripped down my back and thighs. Still he kept me pinned.

  My body was completely tense. I held my breath. Liam paused. Then as his fingers pressed hard onto my aching, swollen clit, he bit down on my ass, just enough to excite and intensify the building waves of pleasure. Finally, the explosion came and I slammed my hips down, rubbing myself against his hand over and over as I screamed out his name.

  He kept his hand on my center until the pulsing stopped. Then he slowly pulled it away. He kissed me all down my back and across both cheeks of my ass.

  He leaned over to whisper in my ear. “Have a great holiday, sweetheart. I'll see you when you get back.”

  I was too spent to even say good-bye.

  I fell into a blissful sleep on the deck chair, and had great dreams. They most likely involved Liam, because I woke up smiling. I wasn't sure how I was going to wean my body off its Liam addiction, but I would figure it out somehow. I let myself have that one final day to luxuriate in the physical wonder that was sex with that man.

  Eventually I got a little stiff on the chair, and opted to resume my nap in bed. I opened my restocked fridge, grabbed a giant bottle of fresh-squeezed organic juice and a turkey sand
wich, and made my way into my bedroom.

  I was naked and chilled away from the heat lamp, so I got back into my pajamas, and grabbed a book I had been given for Christmas and had never had time to read.

  I snuggled into my down comforter, flipped the page, took a giant bite of sandwich and grinned. I was the happiest I had been in a long time, and I let myself just enjoy it. I stayed in bed all day. So there.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  The next morning, I was gifted with another early morning wake-up call from the apartment buzzer. It was Liam again, so I buzzed him in. I was completely torn and pretty much a mess. I knew I needed to stay away from him, but damn he was making it hard.

  Or maybe my father and Chloe were right. Maybe I was just a stupid young woman, preprogrammed for mistakes and disasters. My head was a cloudy storm. It seemed whatever choice I made, I was somehow being foolish, or cowardly.

  Still, he had been kind and understanding once, and, as he said, I owed it to him to listen.

  I was surprised by his, well, rugged appearance. I suppose I had been expecting him to pull out all the stops in the attractiveness department, since he seemed to want to lure me back to our fun-and-pleasure-only agreement.

  Instead, he had a little stubble and quite a lot of bedhead going on. Seeing as how the universe was conniving against me, though, he did of course still look wildly sexy. Why was I not just jumping into his arms again?

  Oh, right. Because he had broken my heart, a heart that I had told him was fragile and just coming back to life. He had taken it gently in his sexy hands and smashed it onto the ground. Then he had stomped on it a few times for good measure. Everyone says to look at history to predict the future. So he would do it again. Anyone would tell me that.

  I let him in to my apartment, and offered him some of the food he had brought over the day before.